I know I am not just being a negative Nancy. Life is really bad right now.  I wish I could say I had the perspective of a happy go lucky positive person but no matter how hard I try, it doesn’t stick.  My husband and I started trying to have a baby as soon as we moved in together. Neither of us had felt more in love with anyone and we were excited at the thought of having children together.  We got pregnant immediately but it ended in a miscarriage after eight weeks. As any other  Woman who has gone through a situation like this, I was devastated, hurt and confused. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. After speaking to a doctor she said having one miscarriage is the same as having no miscarriage and for me not to worry. She told us to keep trying. So we did. I am the kind of person who likes to study and do tons of research so within this time I learned a lot. Each time I would feel my body change as conception would take place, this happened almost every month, and every month I would have a chemical  pregnancy. I can’t tell you how many of these I had because I stopped counting. That’s how devastating it was. We took a break for a little while to give my body a chance to get strong. Frankly I got tired of being nauseated every month and I needed the break.  Phyll came around and we decided to pick it up again after about a three month break. We were already engaged and we decided to scratch everything and run off and get married. We went to the courthouse shortly after Thanksgiving and made it official.  We continue trying to get pregnant with no avail. I forgot to mention that within this time we also went to see a fertility specialist I did several tests his sperm show to have 70% motility but it wasn’t anything that the doctors were concerned about. They discovered during my first miscarriage that I had a huge fibroid in my stomach.  The Doctor Who told me about the miscarriage percentages and told me to keep trying said there would be no problem with the fibroid being there. I can’t help but think that this is the reason for all the miscarriages. I begin to explore the idea of having it removed surgically just for a chance to get pregnant.  Back to the fall, newly married, and despite the ongoing miscarriages our relationship is beautiful. I really couldn’t ask for anything more.   He would tell me that he didn’t need a child all he needed was me and it helped to have his support because deep down I felt I was letting him down. Anyway continuing to try, or into the month of February now and my husband have been dealing with some stomach issues    This began the summer before and he’s gone to see a doctor, who told him that he was likely dealing with IBS.  We found that if he got off of gluten the stomach pains would subside. But every time he ate gluten he would have a horrible sharp stabbing pain in his stomach but it didn’t happen every time he ate gluten it just seemed to be the only comment denominator that we could find when he had the pain.   In December he had the pain twice and decided to see his doctor again in January.  His doctor told him that he would refer him to a specialist and so my husband went to see a G.I. doctor at the beginning of February 2016.  The doctor scheduled a CT scan but ultimately wanted to do a colonoscopy. I has been didn’t want to do that because of the cost and we were told that the CT scan would be cheaper so we went that route. He did the CT scan early February and they found a mass.  A rather large mass at that, but they couldn’t tell him what it was. So we went ahead with the colonoscopy which are portion cost us $2000 and we had to put down $700 of it out-of-pocket. We had a scan on February 28 and the surgeon came out to tell me that he couldn’t complete the procedure because the mass was in his: it was large, very large, so large that his scope would not fit through   He even attempted to use a smaller scope but that didn’t work either. He said he was pretty certain it was cancer and he also had lesions on his liver. Never told me that meant stage for and he never actually told me that he had cancer. I went into the recovery room trying to hold back my tears but unfortunately my husband read it all over my face and he was trying to hold back his tears as well.  They told us they were going to set us up with an oncologist and that they were going to run biopsies on the mass. The beginning of March came and we went to see the oncologist, he never told us it was cancer he just basically told us that they were going to start treatment on him. And that’s basically how we found out that my husband had stage four cancer    There’s no way to even describe the whirlwind and horror of that whole thing. I have just dealt with another miscarriage upon hearing this news and it was so much to carry. I wanted to do things as naturally as possible but of course when you’re dealing with stage four cancer you don’t feel like you have a lot of time    Unfortunately that happens to be the case with my husband because the mass in his colon was so large it was very close to obstructing.  They told him because of his age of 37 they wanted to go ahead and throw the kitchen sink at him and if they did that, he would have a 30% chance of survival.  He agreed to do the conventional route and allowed me to support him naturally along the way, some of those things included mistletoe therapy, I had to learn how to inject subcutaneously, apricot seeds, vitamin B-17 capsules,  I learned how to make Rick Simpson oil and spent hundreds of dollars trying to find the things I needed to get him on the oriole, SC activity, frankincense oil, MSM, modified citrus pectin, the list goes on and on and on.  It got to the point where he hated taking all the stuff I was giving him, I don’t blame him. To be that sick and have to take all the stuff is ludicrous. But I knew it was the only thing keeping him as healthy as possible. His treatment started the beginning of April and by me I had lost my job he was continuing to work as much as he could but it allowed me become his full-time caregiver.  I hated that he was having to go to work with stage four cancer and going through treatment well I was stuck at home. But I couldn’t get a job because of how much I needed to ask for off to be there for him. Eventually he got permission to work from home.  After 5 1/2 weeks of radiation and a low-dose chemo pump that he wore 24 hours a day the treatments came to a stop. They gave him a short break but wanted to resume chemo immediately. I knew he wasn’t strong enough and refused to let him do it. The doctor wasn’t too happy about that. The next scan came a couple of months after he finished treatment and it turned out that the spots on his liver we’re growing. I knew that they were growing because of radiation and chemo.  The reason I knew this was because from his very very first scan until he actually begin treatment in April there were no changes to his liver  lesions nor his colon mass. We were juicing, eating only fresh fruits and vegetables and pumping him full of high-quality supplements. Everything I gave him was organic, non-genetically modified, food-based supplements, only the best ingredients that I could find. His CEA level went from 14 down to nine but after the 5 1/2 weeks of treatment ACA went back up to 14. At this point and during treatment we were no longer juicing  because he couldn’t tolerate the taste. We were no longer able to eat a lot of things and had to give him whatever he could tolerate just to get food in him. He lost so much weight from then until now close to hundred pounds.   He wasn’t severely overweight or anything, he just got incredibly thin. From about 215 pounds down to 149 pounds after his surgery. So moving along in the timeline he begins treatment again and ends up having four rounds of chemo but that fourth round nearly Sent him to the hospital. It was at this point that he was no longer wanting to take any of the vitamins I had given him. That last round it was hard to get him to take anything. I’ve been till this point I had managed to keep neuropathy away, the tingling, the sensitivity to cold and he managed to keep all of his hair. But that last round of treatment he was just exhausted and didn’t take anything I would give him. He ended up in the hospital with  pancreatitis. Or what they thought was pancreatitis, they really didn’t know what it was. Eventually when we spoke to the oncologist he wanted to know what had happened, what were we doing differently? I told him that it was the vitamins and of course he tried to blame it on the vitamins I told him he hadn’t even taken them three weeks prior to that so no it was not the vitamins and it caused him to be hospitalized it was the chemotherapy. He didn’t understand how he had tolerated chemotherapy this whole time and all the sudden got so sick. Again I reiterated that he got so sick because he stopped taking the vitamins.